Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
