So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
