wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
