I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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