so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
