I just made out with a guy for $7.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
