Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
