i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
