You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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