i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
