I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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