His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want a musical about memes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize