did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
