2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
