When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
