Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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