i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
