how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
