She said her name was "party"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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