we have pet lesbian snakes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
