There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
