nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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