she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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