I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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