it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
