we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
