She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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