Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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