i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
