i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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