Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
