Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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