Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently you make a good broom.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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