don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
