Small penises have feelings too.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
