I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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