Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are we still banned from the library?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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