Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What a dumb baby whore.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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