He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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