Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
