Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
