xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
