I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
