I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
