it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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