Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
