WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
