I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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