Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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