do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I want to make a zoo with you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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