My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't notice because vodka
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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