im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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