New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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