instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
