On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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