i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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