My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
