HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
