I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize