we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
