I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
