so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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