I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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