Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
