she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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