Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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