He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
