I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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