Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
