some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
