you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize